Worth It
by one irrelevant ghost
Summary: Nines had been dying when Gavin kissed him. He wasn't dying anymore, but the kiss was all over the news.


Nines had been dying when Gavin kissed him.

He wasn't dying anymore, but the kiss was all over the news.

Barely perched on the edge of the floral-patterned chair, every muscle twitching with anxious energy, Gavin almost didn't notice the TV posted on the wall directly in front of him. He was staring right at it, but his mind was occupied with being absolutely terrified by what was happening to his partner at that very moment. An android doctor-or mechanic, technician, whatever the fuck he was-had explained that Nines had stabilized the moment they jacked him in manually, but that there were still a lot of things that could go wrong. "Malfunction" was the exact word that the android used, and the small amount of relief that had begun to loosen the knots in his stomach was replaced by a new wave of dread.

"What sort of 'malfunctions?'" Gavin demanded too harshly, but the doctor's expression only softened in response.

"It's unlikely that he'll shut down now, but...the most common side effect of this level of trauma is memory bank corruption."

The detective had leapt to his feet the moment the doctor approached him, but now his legs felt too unsteady to hold him up anymore. He sank back into the chair, trying not to imagine what his life would be like if Nines couldn't remember him. If was a selfish reaction, but Gavin had never pretended to be anything other than a self-absorbed prick. Nines was his best friend. Not his only friend, sure, but Nines had seen Gavin at his most vulnerable, most volatile, had held up under the brunt of Gavin's aggression and refused to turn away. The detective was an unstoppable force, the android an immovable object; the result was perfect balance, a sort of stability in their relationship that Gavin had never experienced before. Nines had become a permanent fixture in Gavin's life the past few months. It felt...Nines felt comfortable. Safe, even. There had never been anyone in Gavin's life who made him feel safe before.

To lose that... Gavin felt the jagged pounding of his heart shredding his chest from the inside.

"No! No, Nines you bastard," Gavin heard the low sound of his own voice, familiarly strange, and it pierced through his painful haze all at once. His gaze snapped to the TV screen, Channel 16 News replaying the events of that morning. Gavin saw himself leaning over the battered body of his partner, Nines' upper body cradled in his arms as the blood he was rapidly losing stained them both dark blue. "Nines don't you fucking dare die right now!"

Gavin was surprised at how clearly the reporters had captured the scene, too cold with shock to be properly angry at the intrusion on an intimate, terror-soaked moment.

Nines' response was robotically garbled, but it was easy for Gavin to recognize the dry chuckle that was just as clear in his own memory as on the screen. A long, pale hand covered Gavin's rougher, darker hand where it had rested over the hole that exposed Nines' thirium pump. The blue blood had already evaporated in the time he had been sitting in the waiting room, but it seemed as though Gavin could still feel the thirium dried on his palms no matter how many times he scrubbed his hands in the clinic's bathroom. "Don't worry, Gav. I'm too stubborn to die when you still owe me twenty dollars."

Humor, even as Nines' voice cracked with static and slowed unnaturally as his processors shut themselves down one by one. An attempt to comfort Gavin, even though Nines was the one dying. The shattered parts of Gavin's heart gave a pathetic squeeze, just as it had done in the moment. His own image on the news feed leaned in, pressed his own bloodied lips to the android's blue-coated ones. The motion was too rough, desperate. Nines had clung to him anyway, trying to pull Gavin back even as the android EMTs lifted him onto a stretcher. The news cut away from the video, and Gavin tuned out Joss Douglas's pseudo-sincere voice as he described what a touching fucking scene it was. The detective felt himself turning red as the gazes of the other people in the waiting room flicked to him. Most were android, but there were at least two other humans there. It was getting harder to tell the difference now that the majority of androids had taken to changing their appearances and tearing off their LEDs. Every person in the waiting room looked more or less how Gavin felt, faces all tight with worry and fear darkening every set of eyes that the worst might happen. Every so often a doctor would pull someone aside, the conversation followed by either muscle-melting relief or heart-wrenching sobs. Gavin really wished they would let him see Nines now that the android was stable, but apparently the repairs were delicate and they didn't want to introduce human error to the operating room. Not that the doctor had used so many words in his explanation.

Leaning back in his chair, Gavin closed his eyes and focused on all the aches and pains in his own body to distract from the image of a bullet-riddled Nines, the sight of his blue heart pounding through the hole caved into the plastic of his chest. Goddamn it, the moment Nines was repaired enough to listen, Gavin was going to tear him apart again. Not that it would matter; Gavin had told the plastic prick a thousand times that he didn't need anyone to take blows for him, and still Nines insisted on putting himself between Gavin and harm. In the not-too-distant past, before the revolution and before he had been forced into partnering with Nines, the idea of an android getting hurt on his behalf was completely un-phasing. They weren't alive and plastic couldn't feel pain, machines couldn't fear death. But deviants could. Nines could.

And still Nines would rather risk his own life to save Gavin's.

He had almost died for Gavin.

Gavin wasn't worth that.

The smell of coffee right under his nose cut through his downward spiral, and Gavin opened his eyes. His heart gave a painfully hopeful lurch. _Nines._

No, not Nines. Connor. Gavin couldn't have kept the disappointment off his face even if he had tried to-which he didn't. Connor didn't seem offended, unsurprisingly; he had proven resilient to Gavin's attempts at getting him worked up even after becoming deviant. It had offended Gavin for a while, wounded his pride that the android thought him so harmless that it wasn't worth getting riled up, but eventually he realized that that was just Connor's personality. Nines took no shit, all sharp tongued and quiet rage, but Connor simply bore it all with unnatural grace and a dogged insistence on taking the high road.

The steaming cup of coffee smelled so good and Gavin felt so bad that he couldn't even muster up a sarcastic greeting. He just took the cup with a quiet nod and felt almost glad when Connor took the seat next to him. Gavin hadn't realized how alone he felt until that moment. Lieutenant Anderson had been standing just behind Connor, but now he offered Gavin a tight, understanding nod.

"How's he doing?" Hank asked, gruff voice softer than how he usually spoke to Gavin. Of course, conversations between the detectives tended to stray along the line of argument more often than not, what with Hank being a crotchety old bastard with no tolerance for bullshit and Gavin intentionally being a complete and utter asshole at any given time. Still, Gavin was a long way from genuinely hating the man, and for the moment he even went so far as to appreciate the lieutenant's presence. Maybe it was just that Hank would understand what Gavin was going through even if no one else did; he was every bit as close to Connor as Gavin was to Nines, and had probably been in this same position at least once.

"The guy said he was stable but still getting fixed up," Gavin hesitated, cupping both hands around the cardboard cup and appreciating the warmth after hours spent in the cold waiting room, "Also said Nines might have…I don't know, complications. Memory loss, if anything."

Connor made a low hum at Gavin's side, something the detective had never heard from him before.

"If his memory banks were to be corrupted," Connor offered, his tone gentler than Gavin could handle, "I know that he keeps a back-up drive. He gave me access to it for scenarios precisely like this, as I've given him access to mine. Simply put, detective, if his memory is damaged, I can fix it. He won't forget you."

Gavin absolutely fucking refused to cry, but at that moment his body didn't seem too keen on obeying him. His eyes stung and vision blurred, and it took him a solid few seconds of carefully blinking the tears away before he got himself under control enough to respond to that.

"Thanks," he slightly more than whispered, glad that his voice didn't break in addition to the low, emotional tone he couldn't keep out of his words. Thanks for…the reassurance? Being trusted enough to have a back-up of Nines memories? For comforting him when Gavin had never done anything to deserve the kindness? The answer was all three, and although Gavin knew that Connor was there for Nines and not himself, he also couldn't help the small warmth that touched him at the android's enduring niceness, the feeling every bit as comforting as the warmth still spreading through his hands from the coffee that Connor had brought for him. Yeah, the android was too good, annoyed the hell out of Gavin, but at the end of the day… Nines had been a blessing in disguise-provided he didn't go fucking Gavin up by dying-and Connor wasn't really unbearable either.

Gavin normally would have retched at the thought, but he was feeling lower than he had been in a while and fuck it if Connor hadn't gone and cheered him up, just enough so that he didn't feel like he was the one dying; he was going to have to be nicer to the plastic puppy. Not friendly, not actually polite, but… well, at the very least he could stop trying to get a rise out of Connor every damn day. Wasn't much, but he was pretty certain the android would understand the importance; would probably read too far into it too, but that was neither here nor there.

Hank took a seat on the other side of Connor. Gavin didn't mind; he would've hated feeling pinned in had the lieutenant sat in the other empty chair to his left. There wasn't much conversation after that, although Hank would occasionally try and make small talk. Too tired to be annoyed, Gavin would give his monotonous replies and let the situation fizzle into silence again. Connor, for his part, didn't say anything else for nearly an hour, and Gavin watched him roll a quarter through his lithe fingers out the corner of his eye.

"So are all you guys so fucking twitchy?" He asked Connor finally, turning to eye the coin meaningfully. The question came out tinted in irritation that Gavin didn't actually feel. He was worried, above all else, despite Connor's previous reassurance. What was taking them so long? Why hadn't anyone come to tell them how Nines was doing? How much longer would it be? Not having any answers was going to drive Gavin crazy. He didn't know how to deal with being anxious, and so he came across angry instead. Gavin consciously stopped drumming his fingers against the side of his leg, realizing the irony of it. "I mean," he reworded it carefully, "do all androids fidget so much, or is it just you and Nines?"

Connor paused, the coin stilling between his middle and index finger momentarily. "The need for constant stimulation seems limited to late-model RK series androids."  
Gavin noticed Hank nudge the android gently with his elbow, and it was Connor's turn to rephrase himself.

"I mean, yes. While I wasn't aware that Nines also did…this?" He twirled the coin through his fingers again as if in demonstration, "We are the only androids that I know of who need to keep ourselves…occupied."

"How come?" Gavin pried. He secretly ignored the smug feeling that he had known something about Nines that Connor didn't. The two could physically link their minds and memories, after all. The detective didn't know enough about android physiology to know what exactly that entailed, but he figured it left little room for secrets.

"Cyberlife programmed us to not be…idle, I think is the best word for it. We feel compelled to always be doing something, unless we're put in stasis."  
There was an edge to Connor's tone that Gavin was unprepared for. He didn't think it was resentment, exactly, but closer to bitterness than he had ever heard the android get. In hindsight, it wasn't that surprising; Cyberlife was a sensitive topic for Nines as well. Nines would object to Gavin using the word "sensitive" to describe anything about him, but the detective had learned to read his micro-expressions, could recognize the pain that flashed behind his machine grey eyes and the downward twitch at the corner of his perfect mouth. Normal androids seemed to have no problem moving past their programming, as if being alive was perfectly natural to them-as natural as it could for beings that were literally all synthetic- but Nines and Connor weren't normal androids. Prototypes, both of them, made to act more human but never truly be it; Gavin thought it was both ironic and cruel that the RKs had always been more than other androids but now seemed almost less. The programming that had made them both so special now just made it harder for them to just be _them_.  
If someone had told him at the beginning that there'd be a time when he would feel sorry for Connor, he would've laughed and said it was because the android was a sorry plastic bitch anyway.

Then again, if that same someone had also told him that he'd end up being comforted by that sorry plastic bitch while he waited in an android-centric clinic, worried for news on his own plastic partner… Gavin always had a pretty explosive temper, and that someone would've found themselves fucked right up for the insinuation. For Gavin to have even entertained the idea of caring about a lifeless toy would have been unthinkable. Nines had changed that. Had changed him.

God fucking damn it, that was too much. Too sappy, too cliché. Too close to admitting the truth of exactly how much Nines meant to him.

The sound of Hank choking as he tried to repress something dragged Gavin out of his own head, a blessed distraction until Gavin realized that the aborted sound had been a surprised laugh. First the detective's gaze tracked around Connor's impassive face to the lieutenant's, and he felt his stomach sink at the barely contained amusement on the man's face. Hank looked like he had just unwrapped the first present on Christmas morning and it was exactly what he had hoped for. His eyes twinkled and his lips twitched, eager to stretch themselves into a grin that the lieutenant was clearly doing his very best to restrain. Gavin could picture the man's shit-eating grin anyway, and he flashed his gaze quickly to the TV screen, confirming his suspicion. Yep, there it was. Gavin sucking face with a half-dead Nines.

_I'll never hear the end of this,_ he groaned inwardly, literally biting down on his own tongue to keep from snapping. Hank was holding back out of a sense of respect or sensitivity or what-the-fuck-ever, and Gavin didn't want to risk messing that up right now. Just this once, he didn't want to incite a confrontation.

What he did want was to storm into whatever operating room or repair node Nines was in, chew him out for being the sort of fucking idiot who nearly gets himself killed and scares his partner half to death…and then kiss him again.

He didn't think he misread the way Nines pulled him back in, despite his own panic clouding his senses. But then again, maybe Nines had just…been glitching. Or afraid. Gavin would never accuse Nines of being scared to his perfect face, but the fear was there anyway. The android had access to the full range of emotion, and even though he hid it better than his predecessor, Gavin had gotten too close to him to not notice the signs. Gavin figured that if he was the one dying, he'd take whatever comfort he could get. That was all it was.

The thought hurt more than Gavin cared to admit, even to himself.

"Gavin Reed?" Someone stepped out of the hallway where they had taken Nines, clipboard in hand. It wasn't the same android that had spoken to him last; this one was the same model as the receptionists that had returned to work at the department, although her hair was an unusual shade of dark red and her probably unnecessary white lab coat made it clear that she wasn't a secretary. "Mister Reed?"

"Uh…Yeah, I'm-That's me." Gavin leapt to his feet, heart in his throat, and made his way over to her. Connor and Hank were hot on his heels. "How's Nines?"  
"He's doing fine. We're running a few final diagnostics and ensuring there are no residual complications, but so far everything seems nominal," the lady paused to let that sink in, smiling encouragingly when Gavin couldn't help melting back in relief. He was close enough now to read her name tag: Ella. "The moment he was functional enough to speak he inquired about you. He was very insistent on seeing you when we informed him that you were well and in fact waiting on him, even in the…fragile state he was in."

"'Insistent?'" Gavin questioned. The other word that stood out was fragile, but Gavin didn't need any elaboration on that one. Didn't want it, either; wasn't sure he could handle knowing exactly how close he had really gotten to losing his partner. Knowing that Nines could have died was bad enough without the exact list of everything that had been wrong.

"We had to restrain him temporarily, to prevent him further damaging himself." Ella explained, tone deceptively casual as she turned towards the hallway door, swiping her ID card against the scanner and allowing the trio to follow her in. The fact that she didn't question Connor or Hank only gave the detective pause until he remembered that Connor was the spitting-fucking-image of Nines, at least as far as someone who didn't know the pair well was concerned.

Huh. Having to be restrained while already falling apart was somehow very on-brand for Nines. Because he was worried about Gavin. What a fucking idiot. Gavin couldn't deny the heat that pressed its way through his chest and into his cheeks at the thought.

"Uh." Was all Gavin could managed out loud. His heart was pounding in his own ears, his muscles twitching, demanding he move faster. Connor struck up a conversation with Ella about Nines' condition, which Gavin tuned out instantly. They passed by several open doors and even more closed ones, taking a left turn and then a right before they finally came to the room where Nines was waiting.

Another swipe of the keycard and the door swung open by itself. Gavin pushed past a tolerant Ella into the room, barely noticing the table full of blue blood and parts, the two other doctors, or the half-naked, half-skinned state Nines was in. The plan had been to march into the room with a smart-ass quip on his tongue and an unaffected smirk on his face. Nines would understand exactly what Gavin really wanted to say, because he always did, and would snark back with something scathing that would only flood the detective with relief.  
What really happened was that, the moment Gavin saw Nines perched on the edge of the metal operating table, mechanical arms folding back up into the ceiling above him, skin still missing across his chest where the plastic had just been repaired, he very clearly decided _fuck it all_ and launched himself directly into his partner's surprised but receptive arms. The smooth white exoskeleton felt strange against Gavin's cheek where it rested on Nines' exposed shoulder, but the feeling was far from repulsive. Nines' arms wrapped immediately around the detective's back, strong and reassuring and-

"Dammit," Gavin groaned, pushing himself back just a little too reluctantly. "You're such a fucking prick, Nines."

His words lacked any heat, especially considering the way he was still standing between the android's knees with Nines' long hands flat against his back.  
It was at that moment that Gavin decided to become acutely aware of exactly how many people were present in the room. Three technicians, plus Connor and Hank-the latter of which was failing to repress his snickering. The moment Gavin turned red was the moment Nines' hands fell away, allowing Gavin to step hurriedly back.

"I'm glad that you're unharmed, detective." Nines said, formality worming its way into the space Gavin had just made between them. Gavin saw it for what it was: hurt. A dash of confusion, maybe. He suddenly wondered if Nines had been bothered by the other eyes in the room; the android had never shown any signs of shyness or modesty before and there was no reason to assume he'd start now. Even though he would understand why Gavin pulled away, Nines would not have done the same.

"I'm only unharmed because you're a goddamn idiot who insists on putting himself in the way!" There, Gavin was getting back on track. Anger was easier than worry or whatever the fuck that hug had been. Sentimental wasn't a good look on Gavin, and he hated the way it hurt from the inside out. Call it unhealthy, but at least he had learned to manage his anger-mostly through physical means, namely punching the shit out of something or someone, but whatever. For now he settled for raising his voice and letting every ounce of the terror he had felt manifest as fury. He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Nines. There was a "thank you" hidden behind the entire outburst. "If you ever fucking do some stupid shit like that again I will-"

"Kiss me again?" Nines interrupted, one brow cocking up and the twitchy equivalent of a shit-eating grin pulling at the corner of his mouth. Hank barked out a laugh, quickly silenced. Gavin went redder still but ignore it. The skin reactivated over Nines' torso in that strange, wavy manner, flawless and almost as smooth as what lay below. Gavin wondered, just for an instant, if it would still be as hard to the touch as plastic, but he knew it would be soft. Velvety skin would give just a little under Gavin's fingers if he would only reach out and touch it.

"You jackass," Gavin snarled, and then, snapping to his decision, gave an exasperated sigh. Like he was helpless to stop what happened next. He was beginning to think that maybe he was helpless, but the thought wasn't nearly as horrible as it should have been. Nines' grey eyes watched him so sharply, every hard line of his face was so intense. It was difficult to breath under the scrutiny. Between that and pounding of his own relieved heart (fuck it, fuck it, fuck it) and the dread that had pinned him down for the past hours finally flooding away all at once the moment he laid eyes on Nines… "Fuck it."

The detective had every intention of letting himself fall forwards into Nines arms again, and he didn't care who was in the room anymore because dammit he had nearly lost Nines. Let him have just this one moment to enjoy having his partner back. The android slid off the table the instant Gavin began to move, as though he had only been waiting on affirmation that Gavin did in fact want him. And fuck, Gavin did. Nines' mouth met his halfway, those lithe fingers wrapping themselves around Gavin's waist to pull him close. The skin on Nines' stomach and chest was every bit as perfect to the touch as Gavin had guessed it would be, and he trailed his flattened palms up the android's cool torso until he could wrap his arms around his neck, twirling his too-rough fingers into soft, curly hair. Nines didn't complain.

For a brief moment of clarity, he heard someone-Hank?-clear their throat and someone else muttered to give them space. There were footsteps, the sound of a door hissing shut, and-

Gavin couldn't think anymore. There was a faint chemical taste to Nines, not nearly as bitter as Gavin thought it should be, and he wondered absently if that was the android or the environment. Given how deeply Nines was returning every push and pull of Gavin's mouth, the detective was fairly certain he'd be able to find out for sure at a later date. The thought made his heart pound, and he realized finally that he needed to breath. Nines seemed to come to the same conclusion, or at least had felt the way Gavin prepared to pull back, because he did so first, leaning away only slightly to stare into Gavin's eyes. Which did nothing to help with the breathing. Or the pounding heart. Or-

"I'm so fucking glad you didn't die," Gavin was surprised at how hoarse and whispery his voice was. Intimate, like how he sounded when he had been thoroughly fucked-out by previous boyfriends, his mind hazy with pleasure and even sometimes genuine affection. If Nines had lowered him to that level with just a kiss…well, he didn't actually know what the android was packing, if anything at all, and now was definitely not the time. He didn't know what this was, what it was going to be, if it was anything other than an adrenaline and fear come-down. At the moment, it really didn't matter. He just hoped that Nines would read his sudden temperature spike as embarrassment about the kiss or confession. "Nines, I'm serious. You can't do this shit to me ever again. I will lose my fucking mind if I ever have to sit in some waiting room for hours worrying about whether you're going to be alright again."

Something dark and guilty passed through Nines' breathtaking eyes and settled there, his entire face pulling just slightly downwards in tandem. He squeezed Gavin's hips tightly, urgently, but not enough to hurt. "I would do anything to protect you, Gavin."

Gavin waited, although patience was not his particular virtue, heart jumping at the sound of his name in Nines' mouth. He wanted to taste it too, feel his name against his own lips, but this was more important. Nines' LED went yellow, his lips parting in a silent, unnecessary sigh.

"I will be more careful about how I go about it in the future. So long as you promise to avoid excessive danger."  
"Hmmm," Gavin grinned, the reassurance enough to make him feel lighter than he had all day. "I'll have to think about that."

Another sharp squeeze to his hips, and Nines leaned in with renewed intensity. The next time they pulled apart, Gavin panting and Nines having the good grace to look mildly flustered, the android's voice was just as low as Gavin's had been before. Equally intimate, equally afraid. "I don't want to stay here anymore."

Gavin nodded, two sharp little motions that he hoped portrayed the words "thank fucking god because this place is creepy as shit" and allowed himself to untangle from the android with only a small amount of hesitation. He straightened his own jacket idly, taking in for the first time the full state of the android. That is, Nines was completely bare except for a pair of black briefs not unlike what he had seen the androids at Eden Club wearing. Huh. Probably Cyberlife issued.

Which led Gavin right back to his earlier train of thought. Which led inevitably back to _what are we? _

Nines turned away, rummaged through some cabinets at the far end of the room, and slipped into a pair of paper scrubs, just like at a human hospital. It unnerved Gavin for just a moment; the clinic had felt far enough removed from a hospital that he had only felt the need to focus on his one concern, Nines. Clear headed now, he was beginning to smell the sharp chemicals that he had tasted on Nines and recognize the bone-deep dread that accompanied Gavin into any sort of medical building.

Nines draped an arm around Gavin's shoulder, no hesitation or question. Maybe Gavin should have brushed it off, shot the android a glare, and marched out of the room and the clinic with what remained of his pride. But he didn't. Didn't want to, not even for an instant. The weight was heavy but comfortable, and the fact that they hadn't needed to talk about it-that Nines could see what Gavin really wanted, and apparently wanted the same thing-made Gavin unbelievably giddy despite the settling discomfort. It was a weird mix of feelings, but as they strolled casually out of the room, together, like that was how it was always meant to be-as he saw Hank smile understandingly at him, and Connor look so genuinely overjoyed; as he felt Nines lightly squeeze his shoulder in casual reassurance-Gavin thought that he might never have been happier. Sure, he'd have to eat a lot of his words the next day at work, but Nines…

He tilted his head to plant a kiss on the android's cheek, relaxed and uncharacteristically sappy, and Gavin knew that Nines was worth it.


End file.
